Friday, October 5, 2012

Bought

This is my first time to link up...I'm both excited and terrified!  I'm really looking forward to getting back.  This prompt flowed really well with a book idea that I've had tucked away for a long time.
 

"Not everyone can be bought," she said.

He studied her for a long moment before he replied.  When he finally spoke, his voice was soft, but left no doubts to the veiled threat underlying his words.  "Everyone has a price...but it may not have dollar signs in front of it."

A tiny flicker in her eyes, the smallest tightening of her facial muscles - she controlled her emotions well, but he knew he'd made his point.  "So what's your price, Detective?  Your parents still live here.  So does your sister - she's a doctor, isn't she?  At Presbyterian?  How does she like working in the E.R.?"  The flicker in her eyes grew to a glare of pure rage.  He had hit his mark.  "Now let's try this again.  I need your help, and I'm willing to pay a high price for it - or take a higher price if you say no."

She closed her eyes, took a slow, deep breath.  When she opened them, he could see that she was in control again.  He was impressed, he must admit.  He could understand why she was climbing the ranks so quickly as the star homicide detective.  "What do you want?"

He took the envelope from his jacket and tossed it onto the table in front of her.  She glanced at it, then turned to him.  Their eyes locked as they fought a silent battle of wills.  Finally, she gave in, reaching for the envelope.

"You have time to go over the files on your own.  I'll be in touch."  He turned to leave, took a step, spun back.  "By the way, your sister is very photogenic.  I'm sure you'll like the shots I took. They're inside.  Take a look."

She hesitated before slowly reaching inside the manilla envelope.  The papers rustled softly as she flipped through the half dozen shots of her older sister entering and leaving the hospital.  When she finished, she placed them gently on the table and stood, looking him in the eye, unafraid.  "If you touch her - "

"You'll what, Detective?  Come after me?  The FBI has been looking for me for two years.  I admire your loyalty, but don't be stupid.  You'll hear from me soon."

He signed to his bodyguard to escort her out.  As she turned away, he picked up a sack of bills.  "The money is still available."  She never looked back.  "You have 48 hours to get what I want, or I'll pay your sister a visit."  He let the money fall onto the table and walked out.

7 comments:

  1. I like this! This doesn't show much about him but I love what it shows about her. Well done.

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  2. Seems like your main character has gotten herself into a bit of trouble - I wonder how she got here. If she didn't find this criminal in the course of an investigation, why does he need her? Fascinating stuff - leaves this reader wanting more!

    A bit of confusion toward the end: is he walking out or is she? Are they both leaving a room? A little unclear...

    Welcome to Write on Edge - you'll love it here, I promise! Happy writing!

    - barbara @ de rebus
    www(dot)barbaragildea(dot)com

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  3. I agree that the ending isn't very clear. Who is leaving, who is staying...

    it's an interesting premise. Good luck developing it to something more

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  4. Yikes. That gave me chills. I agree with others on the ending. Who was leaving?

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  5. Welcome to the site! Very interesting start you have here, I would love to read more. As others have said the end needs a bit of touch up but otherwise great job! Hope to see more from you :)

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  6. You painted a good picture of her battle for self-control and fear while at the same time showing us her confidence. He is equally painted well ... and he's definitely the villain. Well done!

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  7. Welcome to the link up, and thanks for joining in!

    I like a lot of this, it's a great hook and you do a great job of showing your detective's mettle. I'll agree as well that the last lines are a little murky, but easily clarified.

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